Getting Real: Great Sex vs Porn Sex

Porn teaches us about sex and what it is like to have it – but I think it teaches a fake understanding of sex. What we see on these videos isn’t what actually happens in real life. — female, age 14 (32)

So what’s the difference between great sex and porn sex?

We all want great sex and we know that consent, emotional connection, pleasure and feeling safe are a key part of this. So how do they compare…?

GOT CONSENT?

SOOO YES!

You may think… great, here comes another consent speech. But seriously, beyond #metoo, saying “yes” is an important part of great sex, and it’s actually the law.

YEAH… NAH

It’s not like you have to be told “porn is not real kids” but we’re going to tell you anyway, because this is important. Porn is not real kids.

It’s all an act

Porn sex is performed by actors and there isn’t much “yes” or consent at all in porn sex. In fact, heaps of porn makes pressuring someone into sex or lack-of consent look sexy – and then actors act their enjoyment. This gives pretty messed up messages about consent and how important it is for great sex. It’s pretty easy to understand consent – if it’s not yes, it’s no.

SOOO YES!

You may think… great, here comes another consent speech. But seriously, beyond #metoo, saying “yes” is an important part of great sex, and it’s actually the law. 

Consent means your partner is all good with everything – you don’t need to worry, you’re safe, and knowing your partner is into it makes it so much better for you both.

YEAH… NAH

You may think… great, here comes another consent speech. But seriously, beyond #metoo, saying “yes” is an important part of great sex, and it’s actually the law. 

It’s all an act! Porn sex is performed by actors and there isn’t much “yes” or consent at all in porn sex. In fact, heaps of porn makes pressuring someone into sex or lack-of consent look sexy – and then actors act their enjoyment. This gives pretty messed up messages about consent and how important it is for great sex. It’s pretty easy to understand consent – if it’s not yes, it’s no.

EMOTIONAL CONNECTION?

TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE

Yep, trust and emotional connection are important foundations for a good time in the bedroom – you’re “feeling the love.”

THE SCREEN’S YOUR LOVER

With porn, it’s just a ‘me, myself and I’ situation. Sex is just a physical transaction – it’s a spectator sport, there’s no partner and there’s no emotional connection.

PORN MIGHT GIVE YOU A QUICK FIX, BUT…

… it’s a poor replacement for being emotionally and sexually connected with someone. And the more time you spend focused on your own wants and needs, the harder it is to be satisfied in a real relationship.

TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE

Yep, trust and emotional connection are important foundations for a good time in the bedroom – you’re “feeling the love.”

When you’re connected, sex is way more likely to be awesome… you can say what you like or don’t like, there’s no pressure to act or look a certain way, and you both feel good about it.

THE SCREEN’S YOUR LOVER

With porn, it’s just a ‘me, myself and I’ situation. Sex is just a physical transaction – it’s a spectator sport, there’s no partner and there’s no emotional connection.

Porn might give you a quick fix, but it’s a poor replacement for being emotionally and sexually connected with someone. And the more time you spend focused on your own wants and needs, the harder it is to be satisfied in a real relationship.

PLEASURE?

HITTING THE HIGHS

It’s a pleasure for both partners …

It’s about the sweet spot of giving and receiving pleasure: you care for each other and you can talk about what you want and don’t want. There are realistic expectations – and no one is pressured to do things they aren’t into just for the other partner. The expectation is always that it will feel good for you both.

JUST PRETENDING

The thing with porn is that the more you watch, the more ‘normal’ you think it is …

Porn shapes expectations from surgically altered bodies, to faked enjoyment and aggressive sex, porn is just not realistic and can lead to disappointment and/or downright failure in the bedroom. Watching lots of porn can end up taking the pleasure out of the real deal – with guys not being able to ‘get it up’ anymore, girls disliking their bodies, feelings of inadequacy compared to what’s on screen and/or trying things that are degrading or painful in real life..

HITTING THE HIGHS

Great sex should feel good.

JUST PRETENDING

The thing with porn is that the more you watch, the more ‘normal’ you think it is …

PORN SHAPES EXPECTATIONS…

From surgically altered bodies, to faked enjoyment and aggressive sex, porn is just not realistic and can lead to disappointment and/or downright failure in the bedroom. Watching lots of porn can end up taking the pleasure out of the real deal – with guys not being able to ‘get it up’ anymore, girls disliking their bodies, feelings of inadequacy compared to what’s on screen and/or trying things that are degrading or painful in real life.

SAFE?

NO WORRIES

Safe sex means you make your own decisions, you’re listened to and you can say stop at any point – even if your partner is really into it.

GREAT SEX IS ALWAYS SAFE; PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY…
You’re physically comfortable; you can talk about using contraception; and you can feel good about the type of sex you are having, with no lingering worries or regret afterwards. You feel emotionally respected and your partner makes you feel good about your gender, sexuality and culture.

STRAIGHT UP DODGY

Straight up. Porn sex is often not ‘safe’. Condoms are often not used and a lot of porn is violent, verbally aggressive and degrading.

PORN CAN BE RACIST AND SEXIST
There can be sexism, domination and power imbalances in both heterosexual and gay porn – and porn actors are paid to look like they are enjoying it, even if it’s painful and degrading. So, you get the message…. lots of porn sex just isn’t that safe. It doesn’t show what people actually like or want – so if you think you’re learning some great sex techniques from porn, it might go downhill when it comes to the real thing.

NO WORRIES

Safe sex means you make your own decisions, you’re listened to and you can say stop at any point – even if your partner is really into it.

GREAT SEX IS ALWAYS SAFE; PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY…

You’re physically comfortable; you can talk about using contraception; and you can feel good about the type of sex you are having, with no lingering worries or regret afterwards. You feel emotionally respected and your partner makes you feel good about your gender, sexuality and culture.

 

STRAIGHT UP DODGY

Straight up. Porn sex is often not ‘safe’. Condoms are often not used and a lot of porn is violent, verbally aggressive and degrading.

PORN CAN BE RACIST AND SEXIST

There can be sexism, domination and power imbalances in both heterosexual and gay porn – and porn actors are paid to look like they are enjoying it, even if it’s painful and degrading. So, you get the message…. lots of porn sex just isn’t that safe. It doesn’t show what people actually like or want – so if you think you’re learning some great sex techniques from porn, it might go downhill when it comes to the real thing.

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