Can Porn Affect Us?
Short answer, yes!
“It (porn) could teach them about having sex and what it looks like, but on the other hand in real life sex, the sort of stuff that happens in porn doesn’t always happen. The guy may take it a step too far when having sex for the first time”
— NZ Male, 14yrs (46)
PORN AND BEHAVIOUR
Watching porn can change our sexual behaviour.
Watching porn can change our sexual behaviour. Young people who watch a lot of porn are more likely to have sex earlier, have riskier sex (e.g. without a condom) or sex where their partner gets physically hurt. They’re also more likely to be pushy (put pressure on their partner to have sex even when they say no), think consent isn’t that important and to try out sexual practices seen on porn sites (14, 1, 15, 41).
“If I watch porn and… I see a male porn star, and sometimes… if I’m with a female, I try and do the exact same thing as they’re doing, cause I figure that they’re the stars.” – male, 17 years old (24).
PORN AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE
A lot of mainstream porn is now sexually aggressive.
There’s now a lot of sexual violence in mainstream porn. There’s a lot of family sex, step sex, choking and people being hit, yelled at and called names. Most of the time the actors respond as if they like this – because that’s what they’re paid to do (2). This can be confusing to watch, especially if we’re learning about sex from porn.
Aggressive porn can suggest that it’s okay for sex to be violent, it’s okay if sex hurts, and it’s okay to pressure someone – when the reality is it’s not okay. Some studies suggest that young people who watch a lot of porn are more likely to be sexually coercive and aggressive in their own relationships (10, 11).
“In real life sex, the sort of stuff that happens in porn doesn’t always happen. The guy may take it a step too far when having sex for the first time” – male, ages 14 yrs (41).
Porn and shame
Some young people talk about feeling ‘ashamed’ about their porn use.“Porn is something that isn’t often talked about – there’s so much shame and guilt with it. So if you’re struggling with it, you keep it to yourself.” – NZ male, 23 yrs.
PORN AND SEXUAL ATTITUDES AND BELIEFS
Most studies say porn is the biggest sex ed teacher of this generation – so it has a big role in shaping ideas about sex (16, 19).
Porn can also make us think that male sexual pleasure is more important than female pleasure. An analysis of many porn sites showed that female pleasure was only shown 13% of the time (17). Sex where just one person gets the pleasure doesn’t make great sex in real life. Some porn is also racist and reinforces racial stereotypes.
“I’m always watching porn and some of it is quite aggressive. I didn’t think it was affecting me at first, but I’ve started to view girls a bit differently recently and it’s making me worried. I would like to get married in the future, but I’m scared it might never happen if I carry on thinking about girls the way I do.” – male, 13 years old (37).
PORN AND SEX
Watching lots of porn can make our sex lives worse, not better – at least that’s what the research is showing (34).
Those who watch a lot of porn can end up with unrealistic expectations and feel pressured to look a certain way or ‘perform’ a certain way. Some porn users find it hard to stay turned on without porn in real life sex, and can end up preferring porn to actual partners (34). 82% of young people in one study agreed that porn leads to unrealistic attitudes to sex (16).
Some people find that over time with the more porn they watch, they need increasingly extreme porn to get aroused. This can make porn users worried and not know how to pull back.
“I watched porn because it was fun, and it was normal really. The more porn I watched, the more I needed it. I had no idea it was having a negative effect – I had no clue. With each year I needed more hard-hitting stuff because the normal stuff didn’t work anymore. I didn’t realise it was a problem until I met someone I really loved and was attracted to – and well yeah nothing worked in real life anymore. Just porn.”- male, 25 years old (31).
PORN AND BODY IMAGE
Porn can make some young people feel negative about their bodies and this can lower their self-esteem.
Many porn actors have spent a lot of time (or money) making themselves more appealing for porn work, and their bodies don’t look like most normal everyday bodies! Comparing ourselves to those types of bodies can leave us feeling pretty disappointed.
“It affected the way I felt about myself, and I began to feel insecure. I used to want so much to look like a porn star. I am slowly learning that that is not how all girls look.” – female, 14 years old (14).
Porn and shame, feeling ‘uncomfortable’ and trauma
Watching porn can feel great for some people, but for others, it can make them feel confused, upset or uncomfortable.Watching porn in the moment can feel great for some people, but for others, it can make them feel confused, upset or uncomfortable. A New Zealand study showed 72% of young people felt uncomfortable about something they’d seen in porn (41).
A lot of young people also feel shame about their porn use. This is more intense if they come from a cultural or religious background where porn is taboo. Long term shame can lead to anxiety, depression and a cycle of using porn to manage these negative feelings.
Some young people who have experienced sexual assault can also find watching porn can be very triggering and if so, they may need help and support.
“It makes me a bit sad cos I wish I hadn’t had to see that at that age. I would have understood it better and had a different reaction if I was older.” FEMALE, 15 (41)
PORN AND MENTAL HEALTH
Finally, watching heaps of porn can affect our mental health.
Young people from homes where porn is a no-no, can also experience a lot of shame around their porn use. People who watch a lot of porn are more likely to feel isolated; that they want to stay home to watch porn; or that when they try to stop watching it, they struggle (4).
In a recent study with young people, one-third of the frequent porn users admitted they watch porn ‘more than they want to’ and 53% of them ‘think about sex almost all the time’ (19).
“I thought that porn was harmless. It’s not like pornography could kill me or hurt anyone around me, right? What I came to find out the hard way is that porn became a very real addiction with very real effects in my life” – male (33).
PORN AND BEHAVIOUR
Studies show that watching porn can change our sexual behaviour.
Studies show that watching porn can change our sexual behaviour. Young people who watch a lot of porn are more likely to have sex earlier, have riskier sex (e.g. without a condom) or sex where their partner gets physically hurt. They’re also more likely to be coercive (put pressure on their partner to have sex even when they say no), be less concerned about consent and to try out sexual practices seen on porn sites (14, 1, 15, 41).
“If I watch porn and, like, I see a male porn star, and sometimes, like if I’m with a female, I try and do the exact same thing as they’re doing, cause I figure that they’re stars.” – male, 17 years old (24).
PORN AND SHAME
Some young people talk about feeling ‘ashamed’ about their porn use. This can be related to how much they watch, what they watch, or if they feel they can’t cut down. This shame can be more severe if they come from a cultural or religious background where porn is taboo. Long term, shame can lead to feeling anxious and an ongoing cycle of using porn to manage these negative feelings.
“Porn is something that isn’t often talked about – there’s so much shame and guilt with it. So if you’re struggling with it, you keep it to yourself.” – NZ male, 23 yrs.
Porn and feeling ‘uncomfortable’
Watching porn can feel great for some people, but for others, it can make them feel confused, upset or uncomfortable. A New Zealand study showed 72% of young people felt uncomfortable about something they’d seen in porn – so it very common to feel like this! 41
Some young people who have experienced sexual assault can also find watching porn can be very triggering and if so, they may need help and support.
PORN AND SEXUAL ATTITUDES AND BELIEFS
Most studies say porn is the biggest sex ed teacher of this generation – so it has a massive role in shaping ideas about sex (16, 19).
A lot of porn is sexist which, according to studies, can make those who watch porn regularly more likely to be sexist. In fact, one study showed that 70% of young people believe porn encourages society to view women as ‘sex objects’ (16). Porn can also make us think that male sexual pleasure is more important than female pleasure. An analysis of many porn sites showed that while most porn videos portrayed male pleasure, female pleasure was only shown 13% of the time (17). Some porn is also racist and reinforces racial stereotypes (43). Porn also teaches us that sex is a transaction, only about our own pleasure – which isn’t reality and doesn’t make for great sex with a partner.
“I’m always watching porn and some of it is quite aggressive. I didn’t think it was affecting me at first, but I’ve started to view girls a bit differently recently and it’s making me worried. I would like to get married in the future, but I’m scared it might never happen if I carry on thinking about girls the way I do.” – male, 13 years old (37).
PORN AND SEX
Watching lots of porn can make our sex lives worse, not better – at least that’s what the research is telling is (34).
People who watch a lot of porn can end up with unrealistic expectations and feel pressured to look a certain way or ‘perform’ for hours, limiting their chances for great real-life sex. Some high porn users find it hard to get turned on without porn, they can struggle to get an erection with a real-life partner and end up preferring porn to actual partners (34). They can find that over time that the more porn they watch, they more they need increasingly violent and extreme porn to get aroused. Watching lots of porn can also result in real sex not seeming as good as online sex, leaving everyone disappointed. In fact, 20% of young people in NZ agreed that porn leads to unrealistic attitudes to sex (41). You don’t even have to watch a lot of porn to be affected – a 2018 study recently reported that young adults who watch porn monthly experienced reduced sexual satisfaction (40).
“I watched porn because it was fun, and it was normal really. The more porn I watched, the more I needed it. I had no idea it was having a negative effect – I had no clue. With each year I needed more hard-hitting stuff because the normal stuff didn’t work anymore. I didn’t realise it was a problem until I met someone I really loved and was attracted to – and well yeah nothing worked in real life anymore. Just porn.”- male, 25 years old (31).
PORN AND BODY IMAGE
Porn can make some young people feel negative about their bodies and this can lower their self-esteem.
Lots of porn actors have had surgery on their bodies to make themselves more appealing for porn work, so if we compare ourselves to those types of bodies, it’s easy to feel pretty disappointed.
“It affected the way I felt about myself, and I began to feel insecure. I used to want so much to look like a porn star. I am slowly learning that that is not how all girls look.” – female, 14 years old (14).
PORN AND SEXUAL AGGRESSION
A lot of mainstream porn is now sexually aggressive.
There’s people being choked, hit, yelled at and most of the time the actors respond as if they like it – because that’s what they’re paid to do (2). This can be confusing to watch, especially if we’re learning about sex from porn. Aggressive porn can suggest that it’s okay for sex to be violent, it’s okay if sex hurts, and it’s okay to pressure someone – when the reality is it’s not okay. The long-term impact of this isn’t great, with lots of studies now suggesting that young people who watch a lot of porn are more likely to be sexually coercive and aggressive in their own relationships (10, 11).
“A couple of weeks ago one of my friends had a fight with his girlfriend because she wouldn’t do things with him that he’d seen in porn films. He thought it was okay to force her to do it.” – male, age 15 years (38).
PORN AND MENTAL HEALTH
Watching heaps of porn can affect our mental health.
Young people who watch a lot of porn are more likely to feel isolated, distracted, become antisocial and get worse grades because they can’t stay focused (4). Some young people are also now saying they feel ‘addicted’ to porn. They feel they can’t go without it or they try to stop watching it, but can’t. In a recent study with NZ young people, 42% ‘would like to watch less porn but find it hard not to’, and 71% want restrictions on porn so it’s not as easy to see (41). Our recent survey of NZ therapists showed that more young people are now accessing help for problematic porn use, because of this kind of feedback the World Health Organisation has labelled “Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder” in their International Classification of Diseases (42).
“I thought that porn was harmless. It’s not like pornography could kill me or hurt anyone around me, right? What I came to find out the hard way is that porn became a very real addiction with very real effects in my life” – male (33).
If any of the above issues are a problem for you, or you just have more questions, then have a chat to someone you can trust, check out I NEED HELP or have a read through some more RESOURCES.