Youth and Porn Resource Kit
3. Responding
3.3 Practical Case Studies
Case Study 8.
Hemi: ‘Porn related shame and mental health concerns’
Hemi (19 yrs) watches porn ‘regularly’ and finds himself ‘thinking about it all the time’. He experiences a lot of shame around his usage and would prefer not to watch porn as it’s against his cultural and religious beliefs. He thinks porn is impacting his mental health but doesn’t feel he can tell anyone in case they ‘judge him’.

1: Validate and normalise

Normalise Hemi’s curiosity around porn and empathise with the distress and shame associated with his situation. Young people from faith-based backgrounds are just as likely to come across porn, get aroused by it, and be as curious about it, as anyone else. Some, however, more likely to feel distress and shame about their usage, and it can feel harder to seek support.

2: Assess

 Assess harm through asking further questions:
  • Tell me more about the shame you are experiencing?
  • How does the shame make you feel, and how do you manage that?
  • Does it ever feel out of control or impact other parts of your life?
  • How do you feel you’re managing your porn usage? Is there anything worrying you about it, or about your porn habits?

3: Build critical thinking and porn literacy

Using open questions that can help reduce shame, explore the beliefs Hemi has around porn and how these intersect with his faith and culture.

For example:

  • What did you learn about porn and sex growing up, and how might that be impacting how you are feeling about your porn use?
  • Is viewing porn different for you than for others? How so? If your best mate was struggling with porn, what would you say to him/them?
  • What are your personal goals around your porn use and how can you get there?
  • What are some great things about your faith or culture that you draw on now? Who (from your faith/culture/community) can support you with these goals?

Note: Where possible, avoid a binary shame vs porn conversation (that is, is the shame or the porn the problem?) because it can be nuanced with both areas having a negative impact at the same time.

4: Support and refer

Refer Hemi to a counsellor to help unpack his shame experience if needed. If Hemi wishes to cut down on porn, refer to self-directed tools, such as In The Know or online Apps. Sharing the experience with a safe friend, same-faith trusted figure, or family member can also help reduce shame.  

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