Youth and Porn Resource KitCase Study 1.
Aroha: ‘Pressure to re-enact porn’
Aroha (18yrs) describes being in a ‘good relationship’ but feels a lot of pressure from her boyfriend to do the more ‘adventurous stuff’ he has seen in porn (anal, rough, and group sex). She describes feeling uncomfortable with the requests but doesn’t want him to think she’s a ‘prude’
1: Validate and normalise
Validate Aroha’s feelings. Feeling pressure from a partner to re-enact something seen in porn can be confusing, uncomfortable, and/or tricky to navigate.
2: Assess
Assess harm through asking further questions:
- How often do you feel this pressure?
- Has your partner ever done something you didn’t want?
- Do you feel safe?
- What’s your idea of a healthy relationship and a healthy sex life? How does that compare to what you are currently experiencing?
3: Build critical thinking and porn literacy
- Discuss how some young people learn about sex from porn, but in real-life sex many people don’t enjoy some of the acts seen in porn – and it’s okay to not like these. Some rough and risky sex can also be frightening and unsafe if both or all partners involved aren’t fully informed and consenting.
- Explore affirmative consent model (or the ‘Yes means Yes’ model).
- Offer ‘relationship scaffolding’ tools to help Aroha build healthy communication with her partner, such as open communication around sexual expectations, pleasure, respecting boundaries, and the role porn might play in their relationship. For example, you could ask her to consider: What are non-negotiables for you sexually? How can you navigate those?
4: Support and refer
Offer support services such as In The Know relationship tips and tools, Youthline, Safe to Talk, or Just The Facts.
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